Tag Archives: care

JON

IN PURSUIT OF THE BOOGEYMAN

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A conversation on Facebook crossed my feed a while ago on this day, and the body and message of it genuinely made me wonder: How much of the collective inner resources of the human race have been wasted on trying to find the “boogeyman” within something, i.e, something that could make someone or something an enemy against us, or make it into something we could ultimately put down or root against?

Obviously, there are things we need to be against and put down at every turn we get (racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, the list goes on and on), and a whole covey of world and national events to give attention to, but seemingly, a lot of our time and energy and other precious resources within each of us goes toward bringing someone or something down that is comparatively harmless in the grand scheme of things, whether it be a daily activity or a new kind of food or even how somebody dresses, or whether they have long hair or an earring or not, down even to the kind of car they drive. I could list hundreds of examples of people wasting precious inner resources on minutiae. But why do we do this? Why must we put down and scrutinize and knock in the dirt the still small things that give people a tiny morsel of joy?

Instead of belittling those things that bring folks joy, why not talk it out with those folks and understand why they enjoy them? Or better still, experience these things for yourself if you can? Chances are, there is something within these hobbies or skills or places or things that you might be able to connect with, and a better chance that you could have your life enlightened by them! Whether it be someone who does one thing off-kilter in their daily routine, to someone collects odd neckties to someone in search of new songs, to larger things such as people who restore cars, houses, electronics or whatnot, let them have what they enjoy! The people you may put down likely wouldn’t do the same to you if they saw what you did, so why would you do the same to them?

The next time you are able, if you find yourself scoffing at something that someone is doing, take a look inside yourself and ask that question above: Would they belittle me if they could see my life? And, if you are able, approach the person and ask them about what it is they do. You just might find yourself basking in their light, and wanting to let your own shine through whatever you do. ❤️

Thank you for taking some time to read this blog, and whenever you do, I hope it finds you well! In the comments, talk about something you love to do, whether it be a hobby or otherwise!

As always, take care, much love, and may God richly bless,

-Jon

JON

AM I HEALING, OR AM I DISTRACTED?

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Every single one of us has had rough times, moments or events in our lives that we don’t like to talk about too very often. It can be highly uncomfortable to face those prior markers, but sometimes, we cannot avoid them. In some cases, we do what we can to avoid them, but we often find ourselves repressing those things, pushing them deep down in our minds, souls and psyches. This causes them to build up over time, and if we are not careful, the consequences can be devastating in our lives, and it will leave us having to pick up the pieces at a most inopportune time.

Which begs the question: “Am I healing, or am I distracted?”

Pushing trauma, discord, disaster, dissent, etc down in our lives only pressurizes it, and sets the stage for it to explode from beneath us at a later point. And keeping ANYTHING inside of us is akin to trying to contain a lava flow. Any feeling, any emotion, anything we may need to say to someone, any problem or block in our lives that we need to face, we must be properly prepared to meet them all head-on. If we keep them locked inside, it will make like acid and eat us from the inside out at best, and be a ticking time bomb at worst, destined to destroy both ourselves and all those around us in its wake.

Running from what we feel or are experiencing inside is not the way to go, nor will keeping one’s self excessively busy or making one’s mind imbibed with food, alcohol, sex, etc to avoid problems or shut off emotions pay any dividends to any involved party, no matter what we tell ourselves, or the things we may say, do or achieve under those circumstances. Using busy work or excessive pleasure to avoid that openness is just as toxic and damaging to one’s self as bottling it up and doing nothing on the matter.

It can sometimes feel like a game of “pick your poison”. But what if I told you that you don’t have to pick a poison?

What if I told you there is a medicine to cure these ills?

What if I told you there are three of those medicines?!



Openness and honesty and communication is tantamount to air, water and blood in importance in our lives, and the more we open up about what we are going through, the more we can either kick the dirt of what’s burying us off and climb out of the hole that we found ourselves in, or sprout roots & grow from that dirt and make a whole new, beautiful, flowering life for ourselves in the wake of it all. And the choice can only come from a sincere place inside us; it cannot come from a bottle or a pill or a magazine or the mouth of another person, it has to come sincere from within ourselves. We have to want it bad enough!

Whatever you, the reader may be facing at this time, I sincerely hope you choose the path of openness and honesty and communication, no matter how hard it may be for you to do so. I know a lot of us struggle at times with opening up about our lives and what we’re going through and asking for help, and I completely understand why, but bottling up those feelings, emotions and words can only be a poison and not a medicine. I hope you choose the path of healing, openness and bravery to walk, and I hope to see you at the end of that path!



Thank you so much for taking some time to read this blog, and in the comments, detail something you’re afraid of facing in your own life, and what you might enact to help yourself overcome that fear, and get back on even ground in your life!

As always, take care, much love and may God richly bless

-Jon

JON

LEARNING TO WALK AWAY

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Like so many, I am prone to stick by the side certain people or things. No matter what may transpire, I almost always come to a resolution with the people or group. While this is vital in maintaining healthy friendships and relationships, there comes a point sometimes where, despite your best efforts, these people or groups will not change. They will remain stuck in their ways, for better or for worse. It sometimes feels like you are screaming at a brick wall. And it also feels at times like, if you took action, it would be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, or the thread that unravels the entire quilt. But three things I had to realize to get out of this cycle is:

1) I am not responsible for decisions certain people make.

2) I am not responsible for what certain people may believe.

3) I cannot offer change and new ideas to people if they are not willing to change.

In the very recent past, I had a jolting realization and revelation in my life: I need to walk away from some people. My love for them will never change, regardless of the decisions they make or what they believe, how set in their ways they are, or if their visions, dreams, goals, etc were different than mine. I can still love them, but from afar. While my cries for them to change may have fallen on deaf ears, it’s their decision to make to remain entrenched in their ways, not mine. Instead of draining my resources on them, I’ll simply let them be. If their visions, goals, ideations and whatnot don’t mesh with mine, it’s not my responsibility to change them. I might be the bad guy at day’s end by walking away, but I’m not going to be the downfall or part of it. The best I can do is let the wild horses run, and hope time or karma take their course, and that they will make or let those people see the light.

It’s a commonality in all humans to want the best for those they love and care about. But at some point, you find yourself losing your own way. You find yourself becoming ever drained by constantly trying to nudge someone into a new way of thinking or doing, and while your intentions are good, it will just leave you with a wagonload of heartbreak and disappointment. The best you can do is be there for them, but at an increased distance, and to love them from said distance while they do or think whatever. All you can do is just hope and pray that a new sunrise finds their life, and that they see the right and proper light that guides them toward better in it.

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, talk about a situation you are in or have been in that fits this post, and what you did to get through it.

As always, take care, much love, and may God richly bless,

-Jon

JON

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT

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Too often in our lives, we worry about being perfect. We’re all guilty of it in one way or another-we could be making a dish and spend hours on it, but we’ll fret if it’s slightly burned. Or we could have a poem or song idea spring to our minds, then we’ll kick ourselves afterward over a chord we missed or a note we didn’t hit. Or we could write someone a long letter, make a sales pitch, or see someone we’ve not seen in 20 years, and we’ll spend the time afterward chewing our fingernails past the first knuckle about what we should have said or done in the moment. Furthermore, we spend who-knows-how much time worrying about ourselves. Our eyes. Our hair. Our weight. If we have enough of a tan. How our smile looked in a selfie. How our voice sounded on a call or message. The list goes on and on.

I am guilty of this in my own right, especially in creative endeavors. Many, MANY times after interviewing someone, I will have those thoughts of, “well, why didn’t you say THIS,” or, “why didn’t you ask them THIS at THIS time,” etc. And many times when making videos for my ongoing radio/TV time capsule project, I’ll watch them back through and think, “why didn’t you include this piece of audio? Why did you have the audio clips in this order? Why did you cut out this much of a song?” Even in writing these blog posts, I’ll often find myself wishing I’d have gone longer, or included one more photograph, or posted one extra blurb about x, y or z.

It can be a draining and seemingly never-ending cycle. The vampire of perfectionism is highly persuasive. But in the course of a lifetime’s run, we begin to discover that, instead of being perfect, the most beautiful and genuine thing we can be is imperfect. ❤

I am spending this month of April writing various pieces of poetry, as a challenge a friend and I are partaking in for National Poetry Month. This morning, I posted a tanka, a haiku-like poem but with two extra seven-syllable lines tacked to it. It read as follows:

“dewdrop pearls shine
as forest daylight finds us
in each other’s arms
kisses on the riverbank
it’s a beautiful morning”

I shared it with her and some others that are writing with me, and our own Em pointed out that I had only four syllables in the first line when I thought I had five. After some conversation, I realized that the word pearls is only one syllable-at least in most dialects! I had spent most all of my life thinking the word was a two-syllable word, and when it was pointed out to me that it was only a single syllable, I felt highly self-conscious about my voice and largely Southern dialect. Until it was pointed out to me by my closest poetic friend Silvia that, although I had been mistaken, I had still written a beautifully-worded tanka poem for this day of the challenge. Something beautiful had sprung from this Parnassian imperfection. And without realizing it at the time, my 30-out-of-31 syllable tanka poem resembled a pearl-a sacred verbal geometry created by irritation and formed by grit. And it put everything into perspective, and showed me what to write this blog post about today.

In the constant tug-of-war we find ourselves in between striving for perfection and doing our best, we can lose sight of what our true intentions are. Renée, my closest friend and co-creator has clashed many times with me over the notion of “done is better than good”. I fought tooth and nail against that notion for so long. I had it in my head that, if something was worth doing, it was worth doing to perfection. Until I realized that perfect is just a pipe dream, something that is pumped into our heads from an early age. Perfect may be achievable in certain fields or passions or lines of work, but the width and breadth of it is that perfect is something we can only chase after. Doing your best is more than enough in most situations! And most times, doing your best will lead you to the most beautiful of situations, scenarios and places. Being yourself unapologetically will be worth more to you than any amount of silver or gold.

Post that selfie of you in a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants! Sing that song or read that poem in your beautiful voice and dialect! Embrace your eyes, nose, smile, belly, stretch marks, beauty marks, anything that makes you uniquely you! Your imperfections do not define you, nor do they make you any less of a person. They each make you your own beautiful and evergreen kind of perfect ❤

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, talk a bit about how you embrace perfect imperfection!

As always, take care, much love and may God richly bless!

-Jon

JON

TO MY BEST FRIEND

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To my best friend,

I am sincerely grateful for the gifts of your friendship, care, lovingkindness, patience, grace and encouragement. You and I have rode out many a dark time together in our time of friendship, but have had many beautiful days as well, and not a second of this would I trade. You love me when I can’t love myself. You offer me a torch when I am going through the dark wilderness of my mind, and a life raft when I am drowning in the oceans of emotions. You and your unique kind of full-service friendship is so welcome in my life, and to have had it now for two full years is a blessing wrapped in a miracle.

I know I’ve not been the easiest to deal with. I have fucked up many times. I have given you ten thousand reasons to leave me dry. We’ve clashed on many things. But you always take the high road, and are always willing to work things out and listen and hammer out a solution for those issues. I am so grateful you have a long fuse with me, and your patience is worth its weight in gold. I know I worry a lot about you, and I know you wish I wouldn’t worry so much, but you are my dearest friend, my closest confidant and one of the most valuable assets in my life. To win the friendship of someone like you is to catch lightning in a bottle, and I will forever cherish this.

I am so thankful to have a creative partner like you in my life! We’ve done so much together, and have both climbed and moved mountains together! I cannot wait to see what the future holds for us creatively, whether it be in music, television, poetry or book writing, or even something beyond those! I am so proud of you and us and the work that we have done together and apart, but the best is yet to come! Memory lane is in the headlights, and I cannot wait to experience it all with you! Thank you for taking a chance on me over a year and a half ago, and trusting and encouraging me in these endeavors. I hope I’ve been a good leader, and have set a good example for all ❤

Without you, I wouldn’t have so many things. I wouldn’t have been able to create an online network with a wide-ranging variety of programs. I wouldn’t have been able to find the courage to send a writing of mine off for publication. I wouldn’t have been able to find my voice as a musician and songwriter. I wouldn’t have took the time to re-sharpen my skills as a poet. I wouldn’t know all the wonderful people I have come to know over the last two years. I am blessed beyond any possible explanation. You came into my life and completely changed it for the better, and more than that, you have helped me change and grow, and have helped me heal and move past the scars that I thought would define me. You are a saving grace.

I am so thankful you hold my hand when times get rough. I’ve been through so many changes over the past weeks and months, and it’s been hell. But you have stayed by my side through it all. Even though you don’t experience the things I go through, I so love, admire, respect and cherish your willingness to learn, to offer help, and just to be my shoulder to cry on. And I pray I’ve been this for you, when you face challenges and hurdles in your own life. I am so grateful we have experienced both the ridges and the valleys together.

My dearest friend, you are red-on-a-rose beautiful, sharp as a tack, strong as steel and sweet as love. I’ve seen you overcome so many things, and don’t think for one minute that I’ve not been watching! You are leading me and showing me how to overcome the hurdles that appear in my own life, and I would be forever lost if not for your guidance. You wield great power inside you, and to watch you harness it and use it for the greater good is so wonderful, so beautiful, so inspiring and so amazing. You are changing, touching and molding so many lives right now, and your impact will be measured in terms of decades and centuries. I will forever be so proud and so blessed to know you, and to have you as my best and closest friend ❤

To Renee, you are my sunshine, and you are an angel. I am so thankful for our friendship, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for the both of us, as friends and creative partners! Thank you for taking me under your wing and teaching me so much. You are the best, and I love you ❤

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, please talk about your best friend on this side of life!

As always, take care, much love, and may God richly bless,

-Jon

JON

SOUL TIES

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I am someone who greatly values the importance and significance of forging soul ties in my life. I cherish these ties I have forged with the many wonderful people who have entered into my life, but the trade-off is that, with an overactive and often lying mind, even the slightest change in someone results in me thinking those close to me are pouring acid over the steel used in these soul ties, thus causing them to rust and weaken, and the bond to ultimately break.

Where this omnipresent and sometimes crippling fear originates from, I could not tell you. One could argue that it originates in the loss of mom 18 years ago, and that it is wrapped in the abandonment issues that must have stemmed from that. Still others could make a case for it being a part of seeing how many others in my life have done me, taking my word and running with it, and in some cases, using it against me. Although I have a much healthier and stronger team of friends and co-creators now, I often catch myself questioning even their allegiances to me, and if they will ultimately kick me to the curb or not.

This is something I’ve struggled with mightily over the span of my life. Especially recently. Whenever my closest friends make even a slight change-a change that more than likely won’t impact anything-my mind still sinks its teeth into it and tries to convince me that I am being put on the shelf, to do no more than collect dust in the lives of those around me. I have forged so many close connections with those I am co-creating with and making memories with, and I love and value those experiences. But lately, I catch myself wondering if I may have poured too much into those around me, and gave my all to those, when I should have been reserving part of me for myself and making my own memories and adventures.

I catch myself watching what I say around my friends, and what I open up about. I find myself walking on eggshells in their presence, worried silly about doing the wrong thing. Every missed call or unanswered Facebook message brings me significant consternation. It’s a forever high-wire act between trying not to say or do the wrong thing, and the fear that I already have. It is what it is, and what it is is hell. I often wonder if the same worry and care and love I have for my friends is reciprocated from them to me. After a life of second-guessing, and knives sticking out of my back many, many times, I sure do have my doubts about who all is in my corner at times.

But, slowly but surely, I am learning to dial myself back and not worry so much about what my brain might concoct. I know that the ones who truly have my back will continue to love and support me, no matter what might happen. And what changes my friends may enact in their lives won’t terminate the friendships and soul ties I have forged with them, more than likely. I am slowly learning to put my trust back into those around me, as more and more have shown their trust in me by opening up about various things in their lives, and seeing those them put their trust in me to carry these tidbits of knowledge with me, and to use them to help them in the grand scheme of things.

Thanks again for taking the time to read my most recent blog! In the comments, please share your experiences about soul ties, and if you have ever fought those fears of soul ties dissolving in your life, and how you got them back, if some of them did dissolve!

As always, take care, much love to you all, and may God richly bless,

-Jon