Tag Archives: PEACE

EM

I LEARNED

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This year has been one of the most challenging years I’ve ever experienced. But still, I’m here for it. 

I have been in a wheelchair for years, due to issues stemming from my Systemic Sclerosis, (Scleroderma). A little over a year ago, I went through some changes in how my doctors are treating my illness. Instead of trying to stop it, which wasn’t happening, they are treating my worst symptoms, with the intent of increasing my quality of life. Who knew that this would change everything?

I have been working hard through PT, OT, and training to regain my mobility. It’s taken a lot of determination, motivation, and commitment. Today I barely even use my cane. My wheelchair collects dust until the next big adventure that requires being in one position for an extended period, walking long distances, long days, venues with long ramps or uneven ground, etc., or during an unexpected flare. When I say it’s been challenging, it feels understated. It’s hurt, consumed a lot of time, left me in tears feeling defeated, thinking it’s all for nothing, and many other mind-fuck games our brains like to play. 

As with any illness, stress has the biggest negative impact on the body, mind, and soul. I never thought my peace would be challenged like it has been this last year. My mom’s Alzheimer’s has progressed rapidly, leaving her needing more time and support from myself and the family. On top of that, our lives took an unexpected turn as we accepted a difficult task at a major crossroads for our family. To say we’ve been under immense pressure, like nothing we’ve faced before, is a true statement. This one life-changing need in our family has had me at the maximum stress level I’m capable of working through.

I believe that every moment in our lives is a chance to learn something about ourselves, an opportunity to change and become a better version of ourselves, and once we learn the lesson, peace returns to one’s life. I have spent a lot of time on my knees this past year begging God to tell me what I’m supposed to be learning from all of the melancholy chaos we’ve endured. Why make me physically stronger just to throw a monkey wrench into my mental health, peaceful home, family, and positive take on life? 

Through this challenging time, for myself and my family, I have learned that change can often take more effort than anticipated. I learned that even if you give your full effort, things don’t always get better. I learned that I am worthy of all that effort. I learned that those I love are worthy of my effort. I learned that it’s ok to temporarily disengage from many things that were important to me to prioritize my physical healing and my family’s needs at this time. I learned that when things are broken, they can’t always be fixed, and this goes for people as well. I learned that picking up the pieces doesn’t mean that all of those pieces can be put back together. I learned that there are people in my life who will walk through fire for me and I for them. I learned that some care enough to wait in my silence for me to heal and allow me the space needed to work on healing my family. I learned that not everyone is my friend. I learned that some people forgot about me, during my much-needed silent healing journey. I learned that everyone is going through something, and I have endless gratitude for anyone who takes a minute to check in and remind me they’re there and ready to help if I need them. I learned that a kind gesture doesn’t have to be elaborate, it’s the small reminders people give, letting me know that even though I’m not present at the moment, they are there when I’m ready. I learned that yes, I am strong, but I’m also at times fragile. I learned that where there’s a will, there’s a way is a damn lie. But still, I’m here for it. 

I hold those who have taken the time to let me know they’re always there with me in the highest regard. To those who disappeared, I have nothing but hope that their journey is a happy one. For those whose mental capacity is flooded with struggles, leaving them drowning, please know you’re not alone. I want you to know I haven’t much emotional space to share at this moment. But still, I’m here for it. 

JON

IN PURSUIT OF THE BOOGEYMAN

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A conversation on Facebook crossed my feed a while ago on this day, and the body and message of it genuinely made me wonder: How much of the collective inner resources of the human race have been wasted on trying to find the “boogeyman” within something, i.e, something that could make someone or something an enemy against us, or make it into something we could ultimately put down or root against?

Obviously, there are things we need to be against and put down at every turn we get (racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, the list goes on and on), and a whole covey of world and national events to give attention to, but seemingly, a lot of our time and energy and other precious resources within each of us goes toward bringing someone or something down that is comparatively harmless in the grand scheme of things, whether it be a daily activity or a new kind of food or even how somebody dresses, or whether they have long hair or an earring or not, down even to the kind of car they drive. I could list hundreds of examples of people wasting precious inner resources on minutiae. But why do we do this? Why must we put down and scrutinize and knock in the dirt the still small things that give people a tiny morsel of joy?

Instead of belittling those things that bring folks joy, why not talk it out with those folks and understand why they enjoy them? Or better still, experience these things for yourself if you can? Chances are, there is something within these hobbies or skills or places or things that you might be able to connect with, and a better chance that you could have your life enlightened by them! Whether it be someone who does one thing off-kilter in their daily routine, to someone collects odd neckties to someone in search of new songs, to larger things such as people who restore cars, houses, electronics or whatnot, let them have what they enjoy! The people you may put down likely wouldn’t do the same to you if they saw what you did, so why would you do the same to them?

The next time you are able, if you find yourself scoffing at something that someone is doing, take a look inside yourself and ask that question above: Would they belittle me if they could see my life? And, if you are able, approach the person and ask them about what it is they do. You just might find yourself basking in their light, and wanting to let your own shine through whatever you do. ❤️

Thank you for taking some time to read this blog, and whenever you do, I hope it finds you well! In the comments, talk about something you love to do, whether it be a hobby or otherwise!

As always, take care, much love, and may God richly bless,

-Jon

JON

TRUE NORTH

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If you’ve wondered why my output here has slowed down in recent months, it’s because I am going through a period of immense inventory-taking in my life. As I have officially reached the backside of my 20s since last we spoke, I felt it was time to start getting my mental, spiritual and soulful house in order, and to decide just what it is I want to keep doing. In that period, I have turned loose of a lot of people and happenings that I either had no interest in anymore, or was sapping the energy I once had. And I’ve become more mindful as to who I speak to on a regular basis, and the things I do, and how to balance both without the scale tipping too far in either direction, leading to burn-out or a lack of interest.

Put simply, at age 27, I am beginning to search for (and hopefully find!) my true north.



I am beginning to re-invest in what brought me joy before, such as poetry. While my lofty book-publishing dreams and long-form poetry output has ceased at least for now, I am partaking in another poetry challenge with a dear friend this year, and am pulling out all the stops, as we both have made a pact to write a poem a day for as long as we are able. Short poems mostly, as I am writing nijusan poetry, or “cheater haiku” as I call them. 23 syllables, a 7-9-7 string. Nijusan is the Japanese word for “twenty-three,” so it made sense to stick the name to these poems, and this new poetic invention has re-opened a lot of doors poetically that I thought were screwed or welded shut.

I am also trying to keep contact with dear friends who build me up and encourage me, and maintaining contact with those I already have roots with in their soil. Reaching out to dear friends is a cherished pastime for me, as I live a mostly rural life in the mountains of North Carolina. I am also taking stock of my friendships, and seeing which ones are benefitting me and helping me forward, and which ones needed to be clipped and left to the elements. While it is a bit sad to turn loose of some I have cherished, I know it will only help me and lessen the weight on my shoulders.

In addition to before, I am slowly dipping my big toe back into event organizing, as I have missed it very much. While it’s not anything to the extent I was doing in 2021 and 2022, it still fills the void that my prior schedule had left behind. Organizing weekly virtual music concerts, helping other friends with booking for their events, and kicking the tires on potential interviews are reaping newfound benefits for me, now that I know how to reign myself and my mind in, and to be fulfilled by it without being bogged down by it.

Another major investment has been continued therapy, though with the blossoming of a new season, my seasonal “blahs” have subsided for the most part. But it’s still a highly beneficial thing for me, if for no other reason than to ensure this newfound good feeling and happiness in my life sustains itself for many months or even years to come! While I have had some stumbling blocks in this new spring season, talking things over with my therapist has been immeasurably helpful in keeping me on the right track.



While I have shared a few different reasons for my absence here, there are still many ways I am evolving and growing and changing, and I will share these with you in future blog posts in weeks and months to come. But for now, I feel like I needed a bit of explanation as to why I took a sabbatical of sorts from blogging. It is because, friends, my true north is calling, and I must follow it. I’m not getting any younger, and as certain as it’s daylight, the time is now to go. ❤️

I hope this blog post finds you well, and in the comments, please share how you found or are trying to find your own true north in your life! What does it look like? What is it you’re doing to find it? If you’ve found it, what did it for you? Feel free to share!

As always, take care, much love and may God richly bless,

-Jon

JON

TAKING IT NICE & EASY

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Over the last little while, my output both in writing and doing my assorted creative projects have slowed down. In addition, I find myself not worrying so much about re-starting the various things that I set out to bring back, at least not at this time. Hell, even my output on this site has slowed down considerably over the recent months. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t admit to feeling at least a twinge of guilt and sorriness in not doing these things. After all, I prided myself into jumping back in feet-first with a heavy-duty routine doing various things, when I felt the time was right.

But moreso in place of guilt and sorriness, I have actually felt a sense of easiness and pride recently. I let what I loved doing entrap me, so much so that at times, I couldn’t do the things I enjoyed without worrying over a deadline or a commitment or a meeting or whatnot to tend to. But now that I am running my own race at my own pace, I find that the creative projects I continue with come much easier and much more effective and productive when not stuck in a box.

As I’ve alluded to in several blogs in the past, I have a penchant for taking on many things at once, so much that it makes the wheels of my mind bog down in the sand and muck and I wind up stuck in place, not being able to go forward or backward, just being crushed by the weight of all that has piled on top of me. It’s took a lot of learning and getting used to, but running at a slower and more calculated pace with a lighter load on my shoulders has reaped major benefits for me.

For the first time in months, I can actually do the things I enjoy doing, without having to worry about having enough time for them. I can play my guitar as long as I want, I can tackle my broadcast media time capsule project and add to it whenever I please, I can go for long, slow walks in the late autumn sunlight whenever.

Though getting back into what I did before is on my mind (and will happen in a not-long amount of time), I can sleep better at night knowing that those creative flames will simply WARM me, without them CONSUMING me. Through the help of friends, therapy and a higher being/beings, I have accrued needed wisdom in my ever-evolving life as a creative. Before, I couldn’t see the trees for the woods. But now, after a long, occasionally arduous but always healing time, I am learning how to balance work and play, and how to love both simultaneously.

I hope you have a very wonderful Thanksgiving ahead, and in the comments, talk a little bit about you learned to balance work and play, and what you have learned in slowing down at times!

As always, much love & may God richly bless,

-Jon

EM

I SEE YOU

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I’ve always had a passion for writing. However, my challenge lies in the fact that my thoughts often scatter, and I may complete only one out of every ten pieces I begin. I have a friend who grapples with constant chaotic thoughts. He finds it difficult to recognize any redeeming qualities within himself. The remarkable thing is, he possesses an unparalleled gift. His ability to put words to paper that evoke all your senses and transport you into the vivid scenes he creates is a talent possessed by few.

He’s been working very hard on himself for the last year or so, giving up things he once thought he wanted, to explore his past, understand who he has become, and discover who he wants to be. He’s utilized advice from friends, his own creativity, a great deal of courage, and therapy to break free from the box that trauma had trapped him in.

I am incredibly proud of him. He acknowledges that he was becoming toxic to himself and those he cared about. Instead of taking the easy route, he summoned the strength to become a better person. His journey is far from over, and he knows it will take years to untangle and overcome behaviors shaped by trauma. But he’s doing it, and I want him to know that, although my life is very busy at the moment & my time is limited… I see you.

He has a deep love for poetry, and so do I. Even though I’m just a small star in the vast galaxy of his talent, I knew that poetry was the language I needed to connect with him. I chose a reverse poem to serve as a reminder of where he once stood and where he stands today. I want him to understand that I see him, I’m proud of him, and I have faith in him. I look forward to watching his ongoing journey toward self-healing and self-awareness.

Read each line from top to bottom. Then read each line from bottom to top.

His life is pain

And he no longer feels

He has the right to hope

Learning from loss

His worth is limited

Refusing to see

Through others’ hearts

Forging his path

In fear & anxiety

Never choosing to walk

With trust & courage

Trudging through chaos

Harnessing his creativity

Binding him from

A life full of joy

For JP, to remind you to always flip the script.

JON

LEARNING TO WALK AWAY

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Like so many, I am prone to stick by the side certain people or things. No matter what may transpire, I almost always come to a resolution with the people or group. While this is vital in maintaining healthy friendships and relationships, there comes a point sometimes where, despite your best efforts, these people or groups will not change. They will remain stuck in their ways, for better or for worse. It sometimes feels like you are screaming at a brick wall. And it also feels at times like, if you took action, it would be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, or the thread that unravels the entire quilt. But three things I had to realize to get out of this cycle is:

1) I am not responsible for decisions certain people make.

2) I am not responsible for what certain people may believe.

3) I cannot offer change and new ideas to people if they are not willing to change.

In the very recent past, I had a jolting realization and revelation in my life: I need to walk away from some people. My love for them will never change, regardless of the decisions they make or what they believe, how set in their ways they are, or if their visions, dreams, goals, etc were different than mine. I can still love them, but from afar. While my cries for them to change may have fallen on deaf ears, it’s their decision to make to remain entrenched in their ways, not mine. Instead of draining my resources on them, I’ll simply let them be. If their visions, goals, ideations and whatnot don’t mesh with mine, it’s not my responsibility to change them. I might be the bad guy at day’s end by walking away, but I’m not going to be the downfall or part of it. The best I can do is let the wild horses run, and hope time or karma take their course, and that they will make or let those people see the light.

It’s a commonality in all humans to want the best for those they love and care about. But at some point, you find yourself losing your own way. You find yourself becoming ever drained by constantly trying to nudge someone into a new way of thinking or doing, and while your intentions are good, it will just leave you with a wagonload of heartbreak and disappointment. The best you can do is be there for them, but at an increased distance, and to love them from said distance while they do or think whatever. All you can do is just hope and pray that a new sunrise finds their life, and that they see the right and proper light that guides them toward better in it.

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, talk about a situation you are in or have been in that fits this post, and what you did to get through it.

As always, take care, much love, and may God richly bless,

-Jon

JON

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT

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Too often in our lives, we worry about being perfect. We’re all guilty of it in one way or another-we could be making a dish and spend hours on it, but we’ll fret if it’s slightly burned. Or we could have a poem or song idea spring to our minds, then we’ll kick ourselves afterward over a chord we missed or a note we didn’t hit. Or we could write someone a long letter, make a sales pitch, or see someone we’ve not seen in 20 years, and we’ll spend the time afterward chewing our fingernails past the first knuckle about what we should have said or done in the moment. Furthermore, we spend who-knows-how much time worrying about ourselves. Our eyes. Our hair. Our weight. If we have enough of a tan. How our smile looked in a selfie. How our voice sounded on a call or message. The list goes on and on.

I am guilty of this in my own right, especially in creative endeavors. Many, MANY times after interviewing someone, I will have those thoughts of, “well, why didn’t you say THIS,” or, “why didn’t you ask them THIS at THIS time,” etc. And many times when making videos for my ongoing radio/TV time capsule project, I’ll watch them back through and think, “why didn’t you include this piece of audio? Why did you have the audio clips in this order? Why did you cut out this much of a song?” Even in writing these blog posts, I’ll often find myself wishing I’d have gone longer, or included one more photograph, or posted one extra blurb about x, y or z.

It can be a draining and seemingly never-ending cycle. The vampire of perfectionism is highly persuasive. But in the course of a lifetime’s run, we begin to discover that, instead of being perfect, the most beautiful and genuine thing we can be is imperfect. ❤

I am spending this month of April writing various pieces of poetry, as a challenge a friend and I are partaking in for National Poetry Month. This morning, I posted a tanka, a haiku-like poem but with two extra seven-syllable lines tacked to it. It read as follows:

“dewdrop pearls shine
as forest daylight finds us
in each other’s arms
kisses on the riverbank
it’s a beautiful morning”

I shared it with her and some others that are writing with me, and our own Em pointed out that I had only four syllables in the first line when I thought I had five. After some conversation, I realized that the word pearls is only one syllable-at least in most dialects! I had spent most all of my life thinking the word was a two-syllable word, and when it was pointed out to me that it was only a single syllable, I felt highly self-conscious about my voice and largely Southern dialect. Until it was pointed out to me by my closest poetic friend Silvia that, although I had been mistaken, I had still written a beautifully-worded tanka poem for this day of the challenge. Something beautiful had sprung from this Parnassian imperfection. And without realizing it at the time, my 30-out-of-31 syllable tanka poem resembled a pearl-a sacred verbal geometry created by irritation and formed by grit. And it put everything into perspective, and showed me what to write this blog post about today.

In the constant tug-of-war we find ourselves in between striving for perfection and doing our best, we can lose sight of what our true intentions are. Renée, my closest friend and co-creator has clashed many times with me over the notion of “done is better than good”. I fought tooth and nail against that notion for so long. I had it in my head that, if something was worth doing, it was worth doing to perfection. Until I realized that perfect is just a pipe dream, something that is pumped into our heads from an early age. Perfect may be achievable in certain fields or passions or lines of work, but the width and breadth of it is that perfect is something we can only chase after. Doing your best is more than enough in most situations! And most times, doing your best will lead you to the most beautiful of situations, scenarios and places. Being yourself unapologetically will be worth more to you than any amount of silver or gold.

Post that selfie of you in a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants! Sing that song or read that poem in your beautiful voice and dialect! Embrace your eyes, nose, smile, belly, stretch marks, beauty marks, anything that makes you uniquely you! Your imperfections do not define you, nor do they make you any less of a person. They each make you your own beautiful and evergreen kind of perfect ❤

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, talk a bit about how you embrace perfect imperfection!

As always, take care, much love and may God richly bless!

-Jon

EM

LOOK TO THE ENDGAME

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I do not cower to opposing views. I am not afraid of challenging my thoughts on different matters. What concerns me is the possibility of becoming close-minded and living in an echo chamber surrounded only by people who agree with me. It would be a stagnant and ignorant existence. Not conducive to personal growth or learning. It is crucial to surround myself with different people and ideas, even if it’s uncomfortable. Engaging people with opposing views can broaden my perspective and deepen my understanding.

You’re under no obligation to like everyone, forgive anyone, or tolerate hatred. Listening to opposing views is evidence of my desire for actual change on the topic. Finding common ground is essential for real, long-term change. As human beings, we all have thoughts and ideas shaped by our experiences and history. By listening, we can learn what’s in a person’s heart and get to why a person holds a particular view. Even if we cannot agree with their views, we can try to understand and see how they arrived at this opinion. Only then can we find a way to meet them where they are and attempt to make them understand our perspective. Or perhaps, we will discover that we are now unsure about our views and that it’s us who need to grow and change.

Don’t be afraid to challenge your views. The real weakness lies in being unwilling to listen. Every generation grows old and the young will challenge their views in the name of progress. Don’t get left behind because of pride. When you have a conversation with someone who has opposing views, listen, be patient, and be kind. No one has ever been insulted into an agreement. We can use what we learned to be the root of their views and take steps to change their perspective or, at the very least, find common ground to move forward on.

It is important to educate ourselves to understand why people believe what they do. The ultimate goal is to come together and solve problems. We often find that our end goal has some semblance of common ground if we listen. We can either dismiss hateful views and tell them to shove them up their ass, or we can make an effort to understand the reasons behind them and stop it at the cause.

I am not saying, we should tolerate hatred. I’m suggesting the solution isn’t to hate back. Rather, to put an end to it, we need to comprehend it. Once we grasp the reasons behind it, we can make a plan to educate others and work towards a solution. Resolving significant issues takes time, support, and education. Real change comes in the seeds we sow for the next generation. The truth is we may be banging our heads against a wall, with some people. But our efforts can impact future generations, and maybe they’ll embrace love over hate.

Love Not Hate

When it comes to dealing with hatred, our focus is often on the victim. We tell them to toughen up, ignore the negativity, and build self-esteem. This puts the responsibility on the victims to adapt and fit in better. Why not redirect our energy toward understanding what creates the hate? With this knowledge, we could create change at the roots & prevent it from happening. It seems more compassionate to support the victims and put those who hate, to work on becoming better people.

This is my chosen approach and I apply this to any issue where there are strong opposing views. I focus on the problem, get to the root, and hopefully find a solution. All while supporting the victims and growing, changing, and educating myself as well. Every one of us can play a part in making the world a better place if we would only listen. Look to the end game.

EM

DON’T INVITE THE BEARS

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Handling toxic situations can be challenging, and if we don’t approach them differently, we are setting ourselves up for failure. We will be doomed to live like salmon swimming upstream, expending energy and effort, only to make a few inches of progress. The difference is, the salmon don’t invite the bears to disrupt their momentum, to push them back to the starting line, or to pick them and their friends off one by one and eat them for lunch. Every time we allow a toxic person to disrupt our lives and force us to start again, it’s like inviting those bears to lunch.

Don’t invite the bears!

While toxic people are responsible for their actions, we are also responsible for what we allow in our lives. Although it’s understandable to accept apologies, if we continue to allow toxic people to stay and wait for them to change, it will poison the whole stream and cause innocent people to suffer. We bear some responsibility for the harm it brings to our journey. While the intentions are good, and some people love deeply and want everyone to be happy and thriving, continually living with toxicity while hoping things will change will never bring peace.

Everyone handles personal boundaries differently. Some have no boundaries and take on the burden again and again, some allow those lines to blur depending on the person crossing them, and some fiercely enforce their boundaries and protect their peace. There are even people who invite the bear to lunch, and we’ve all had toxic people slip through our radar. In these moments, it’s often not the toxic person paying the price and being given a chance to grow and learn, it’s innocent people, good people, suffering again and again. We have to see these moments as opportunities to learn and strengthen our boundaries.

Not everyone who is toxic is evil or cold-hearted; many believe they are coming from a place of love. Often, it’s a learned behavior or a response to trauma. We’ve all exhibited toxic behavior at some point in our lives, but the difference is, we learned from our failures and grew from the experience. We must be willing to force the hand of those who are harming themselves and others, even if it means letting them go to create space for growth. Sometimes it’s necessary to break the toxic cycle and prevent them from stealing joy and energy from those around them. As a friend, I won’t blindly support everything you say you want on this journey. I’ll always meet you where you’re at, but I expect the same in return. It’s essential to expect what someone is capable of and not accept anything less. We must love someone enough to challenge them and push them to grow, even if it’s uncomfortable in the moment.

If you want a friend who won’t be honest when you’re hurting yourself, me, or others, I’m not her. But if you want a friend who will fiercely support all of your efforts to become the person you want to be, sign me up.

JON

WHEN EVERYTHING IS GOING RIGHT

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When a period of calmness, peace, stability and overall good vibes enters our lives after an extended period of darkness and mental downtime, it can be a bit of a foreign feeling to us. We may not know how to handle it, temporarily. It may register an air of surprise within us, or we could view it as nothing but a fluke, a flash in the pan. But I am here to tell you that it is NOT a fluke. It is something you and I both deserve, after the doldrums we experienced over the fall and winter months. Spring is coming, both in and out of our lives, and it is going to be a time of rejuvenation, rebirth, second chances and new beginnings!

We must take the steps necessary to ensure the feelings of peace, stability, etc stay in our lives. Treat it as if it were a garden: You planted these seeds in the soil of your soul, and now it’s time to water them, fertilize them, and watch them grow! They could be flowers that pop through for color and beauty to add to your own life, or they could be various foods growing from the ground, to help feed and nourish not only yourself, but everyone around you. Either way, if we treat the good days and moments and good mental & physical health days like a garden, I think we could turn those seeds we planted into a booming, colorful and tasty bumper crop of bright days, laughs, golden moments and memories for a lifetime!

Aside from ensuring the good days arrive to stay, we can also funnel the energy we have for this into manifestation. Maybe you have a long-awaited goal that is finally within reach. Or a project that you can start on, after several false starts. Or a blooming love inside of you that you can share with the apple of your eye. It could even be just seeing a new town or city for the first time, or trying that new coffee shop or pizza place. Great new things are awaiting us in our lives this spring, and the room we have to grow is limitless and waiting to give us the stage to do so. With careful considerations from our hearts, minds, souls and gut feelings, we are primed to start writing a new, exciting chapter in our lives and journeys. 2023 is the year of US, brothers and sisters! Let’s pull our shoes on and don our best sunglasses, and walk out into this upcoming new, refreshing and inspiring season with smiles on our faces, and joy and hope in our hearts ❤

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, tell us about something you aim to do or start on this spring!

As always, take care, much love & may God richly bless,

-Jon

EM

WE ARE THE DREAMERS

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I remember the exact moment I realized I had matured into a responsible adult. It was the day something didn’t go the way I wanted it to and instead of saying, “why is this happening to me”, I thought, “what did I do to create this outcome”. Somehow, life became easier after this revelation!

Unfortunately, the biggest obstacle in my life I did not create and I can not fix. Scleroderma is the beast I can not outsmart or outrun. It’s there, it’ll always be there. Every once in a while, I just want to curl up in a ball and shut out the entire world. But then I get discouraged and angry that I’m wasting precious time. The older I get, the more I realize how every minute matters. I don’t want to curl up in a ball, close my eyes and wake up having missed years of my life.

The lesson I’ve learned from being chronically ill is that everything matters. My lust for normalcy is insatiable. I want to get up, shower, drink coffee, whine about going to work, drive to work while bitching about traffic, survive my day to come home, make dinner and whine about doing it all again tomorrow. But my reality leaves no time for normal things.

On top of the desire to find balance in a world made for the healthy, I also want to do everything, see everything, meet everyone, and I want to experience all of the goodness in the world. Again, my reality leaves little time for all of these things. I can not tell you how many people have told me to “just do it”, go on that trip, and do all the things my heart is set on, while I still can. But I’m here to tell you that not everyone has the financial means or the health to be that person on TikTok traveling the world crossing things off their bucket list. I’m not hating, I say do all the things if you have the means. It’s just not possible for a majority of the disabled community. Whether it be a physical or mental disability, we live day by day with constantly changing medical needs and paycheck to paycheck trying to pay for those needs. We barely have time to write a bucket list, never-mind live it!

The other side of this is the people who, with negative intentions, have told me to shrink my dreams, to accept I’ll never have a normal life and move on, to adjust my life plans, and to just give in to my new reality. I’ve even had people tell me to just stop fighting the inevitable. What the…This one is probably the most painful and infuriating. When someone says this, I hear, “You’re inconveniencing my life and I need you to just be a good little patient”.

If you get nothing else from this blog, please read this and burn it in your brain. When we dream it’s with some semblance that these things are possible. Hope gets us through our darkest days. It drives us to push & never give up. Possibilities, goals, small triumphs, and even the hard work it takes to see a dream come true, are all burned as fuel to carry on. We savor the thought that the pain may end, that tomorrow will be better, that a cure may be found, and that our dreams will come true. Please don’t take that from us.

Yes, having a permanent and incurable illness means you will have to learn to navigate all the changes and hindrances that come with the diagnosis. But it does not leave a person less intelligent, damaged, incapable, irrelevant, unable to make their own choices, less worthy of friendship or love, and they, sure as hell, are not weak. An illness doesn’t make someone less of a friend. It doesn’t make them less fun or leave them not needing fun & excitement in their life. It doesn’t make them a burden, and it is not a free pass to steal their passions, hopes, and dreams.

I will not climb into my bed and be a good little patient. Sorry if this inconveniences some people & makes “their” life more difficult. But we all have the choice to be in someone’s life or not and love should be unconditional. If you see me as a burden, find a better patient, it’s not me. Unless you have a degree and can put Dr. before your name, I am not your patient. Do not cast shade on my hope. It would be better if you just walked away. It would be your loss. Because I am a fierce & loyal friend and you will never find a more welcoming & loving group than my circle.

Lucky for me, I’m a stubborn bitch who loves learning, life & people. I will not cower, I will not succumb, I will not have my life stolen by Scleroderma. Even on a bad day, I will accomplish something. Sometimes it’s a huge thing & sometimes it’s small. But to me it’s everything. I’ll continue to visit loved ones, make people smile, create, talk, study, practice, help others, make new friends, dream, hope, love, laugh, and fight until I take my last breath. I will not let the lack of money, resources, or bad health keep me from dreaming about doing all the things I want to do in this world. Will I do it all? Probably not. Will I die trying? Absolutely! 

Here’s to the warriors and all who know your worth and willingly step out into the world and share your journey. Keep hoping, fighting, surviving, and thriving, for we are the dreamers & we will not let anyone take that from us.

JON

A WELL-SPENT LIFE

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Death is a part of life. There is no way we can avoid it, the best we can do is take the steps necessary to postpone it, in the right circumstances. And no matter how we may view it, it nevertheless hits us hard in at least some aspects, whether we care to admit it or not. But for a death to hit us hard means that the person who shed the mortal coil left their mark on us. They may have encouraged us or showed us love, been a bright shining light to us in the darkness, gave us advice on how to best move forward through a tough situation, or just was there for us through mountaintops and valley floors alike. It could be someone you never met in person, someone you saw every day, or even someone you only met once years ago. Their memory and legacy will live on through the lives they touched. And maybe, they will have encouraged you to live your fullest and best life, to take the bad and the good with a smile on your face, and showed you a pathway forward in your own journey.




Earthly angels come in all shapes and sizes, backgrounds and walks of life. Some have had to scale mountains and swim oceans to get to us. Some just seemed to appear right out of the ether. Some came to us when we cried out for help. Some knew we needed a listening ear and a guiding hand long before we ourselves did. Some of them taught us that, even in the most ragged, tattered parts of our lives, there is still a silver lining, there are still reasons to smile. Some of them showed us that hurt is not the end-all-be-all, that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, and some of them blessed us with how they did it, how they overcame and thrived, and how we could take their wisdom and apply it to our own lives. Some of them we knew only as folk heroes. Some of them we had the fortune of rubbing elbows with, or sharing stages with, or trading conversation with over a cup of coffee and a sandwich, or a cold pint of beer.

Most of all, these people showed us how to live a well-spent life. Not every part of it will be red and rosy. There will be storms with hail and wind and worse, trying to destroy the flower garden of peace inside of us all. There will be times where the road is rough. There will be times where the best maps cannot guide us. But with the blessing of those people’s presence in our lives, we can understand how to carry on and lace up our bootstraps and pull ourselves out of the muck and the mire, and continue onward toward daylight again. They pushed us to write that book, or record that album, or paint that picture, or express that love or affection. They showed us how to be ourselves, loudly, proudly, unashamedly and wholly. And if they are still in our midst, they will continue to spread their seeds wherever they go in this world. And if they have left this life for the next one, we can still admire what they’ve grown, and take comfort in the shade, color or beauty of what they planted, both in their own lives, and in the lives in which we live.

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, please highlight someone who showed you these tips and tricks.

Wholeheartedly,

-Jon



This blog is dedicated to the life and memory of William Orten Carlton, aka Ort.

THRIVE TO SURVIVE

INTRODUCTION

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Hello! Welcome to Thrive To Survive! This is a special side-project that will tie into Just Another Badass Warrior, a blog & interview series taking a look at how folks have overcome the various obstacles presented in their lives, whether they be physical or mental. Your host, Jon Phipps, will take an in-depth look into the stories of those he interviews, while also finding out the pathways to the light at the end of the tunnel for his guests, while seeking the same for himself. May you derive hope, inspiration and clarity from this blog!

JON

LEARNING TO SMILE ALL OVER AGAIN

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Happy New Year, one & all! I hope that 2023 has gotten off to a wonderful start for you! Most of us tend to make resolutions when the new year rolls around, some of them minute in stature, others towering over us like skyscrapers. Some are easier to adhere to and follow than others, but all of them carries weight in our lives, no matter how large or small they may be. We all want to see in-person that friend we made over the pandemic, or to go to that city, state or country we’ve always wanted to go to, or to dye our hair that color that would catch everyone’s eye. But what if we did something in the new year that cost nothing, did not require a gym membership or association admission, or did not even require approval from others?

What if we learned to smile again?

2022 was a hard year for a lot of us. Whether it came from events in the noisy news cycle, or events that happened in our own personal lives, or events that happened to others close to us in our lives, 2022 was a very draining and taxing year. Mental and emotional hardships. The projects or opportunities that just slipped through our fingers. The loss of a loved one or a beloved pet. 2022 threw plenty of ways to snatch our happiness and joy at us, and in some cases, it did steal those precious things away. To say nothing of what the last 3 years has done to the world as a whole, with the pandemic considered.

But what if I told you that we’re on a mission to get those things back?

A big resolution for 2023 is to learn how to smile again. 2023 is the year that happiness grows and re-re-regrows in our lives. With the sureness of a rose in the springtime, we will all find our way back to happiness this year. This is your call to manifest it! Cultivate your soul and make it into a garden of peace, love, joy and great happiness! Planting season in just around the corner in our lives; take advantage! This is the perfect time to rid ourselves of the reeds and weeds that was the happenings in 2022; in 2023, we will strive to toss the bad news and the noisy news and the discord and disaster and dissent into the wastebasket, and hold our heads high and look forward with clear eyes to the future! The future is eight months pregnant, and tomorrow has ALWAYS been better than today! Optimism, self-love, self-care, taking bold but calculated chances, speaking out, reaching out and loving others more will take root and flower in our lives in 2023. Gone will be the choking vines and weeds and invasive species of self-doubt, abandoning ourselves and our needs, timidness, fear, people-pleasing, attachments, conformation and self-flagellation. 2023 is our year, brothers and sisters. Let’s grab this thing by the horns and make it ours and MANIFEST all that we deserve!

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, please list some ways you aim at keeping to our resolution of learning to smile again!

As always, take care, much love and may God richly bless

-Jon


JON

A WEDNESDAY IN APRIL

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Those who have read my blogs may not know that I also am a poet. I have over 360 published pieces on AllPoetry, with nearly 50 of those being front page selections. On this day, I am dealing with drama within friend circles I am in. And rather than write a long, angsty blog for the millionth time, I decided this time to channel what I am feeling into a poem. This poem summarizes my feelings toward the matter, without saying it directly. In this poem, the title summarizes the wanting for peace, friendship, kindness and love to flourish; simply put, the wanting is a Wednesday in April.

“i wish for a wednesday afternoon
in the middle of april
cotton ball clouds, silver springs babbling
green leaves in the trees
birds standing shoulder to shoulder
on the telephone wire, singing
dogwoods and azaleas blooming
dandelions flying through the air
an apple orchard with shade enough
for a post sun-bathing nap
the hum of a passing car on highway 45
or a plane engine overhead
dogs barking, children giggling
the scents of pies in window sills
still-damp clothes hanging on the line
drying in the springtime
an orb weaver spider spinning a web
in a corner on the roof
a bottle of apple wine
and a pair of gold-rimmed glasses
for you & i
an old blanket and a hillside for cloud-gazing
kisses and embraces”

I hope this poem finds you well, and in the comments, tell me a bit about how you deal with drama.

As always, take care, much love, and may God richly bless,

-Jon

JON

LIFE, HAPPINESS, AND THE WAY IT USED TO BE

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On this Sunday evening that I am writing this to you, I decided to do a story reading on my personal Facebook page. Nothing out of the ordinary for me, as I have in recent weeks been doing an increased number of them, as I set about publishing a poetry or short story book of my own in the future. I elected to do a reading from a book I had gotten in the mail the day before, a book by Garrison Keillor called Lake Wobegon Days. I read a section of a story in the book called “Fall”, and went for just under an hour in the reading that I did. After I had closed the stream, I decided to take a look through the log of streams that I had done from the amount I have on the streaming platform I use. It is the same one I have used many times, in hosting shows and recording interviews, doing poetry reading or concerts, etc. And virtually thumbing through the stream log, I saw many things that I had did over the past 18+ months I had been using that platform. Many memories came back to me. And a twinge of sadness darkened my door once again.



I remembered back to those salad days of my virtual creative journey. How I thought I had the tiger by the tail. How I thought I was on the cusp of reeling in the interview, the one that would get my name out there, How I thought I was growing alongside my creative friends, not knowing the strain and worry, spats and darkness that would come in the future. And it made me wonder: Has it always been this way? Has this feeling been a cornerstone of my life?

As mentioned many times prior in my blogs, I’m always one to slink back to the past at times, to the way things used to be. In some part of my mind, I think that, if I go back to that point, I will find a little retreat of happiness, like a shelter or lean-to on a long trail, a tiny roadside chapel on a highway, or something similar. But I catch myself looking back at those places I go to in my mind, and I remember what I was going through during those times. And in many instances, I was absolutely not happy or satisfied or whatever in that period. I often find that I was in a less-amplified state of where I am currently; though the difference in then from now is, back then, I didn’t have as many aggravating factors in my life. I did not have commitments, meetings, shows, platonic and romantic feelings and terrors of creative failure………

…….But I damn sure paid no attention to the mental scars I bore that were weeping and festering, nor did I pay attention to the tornado-in-a-china-shop state of affairs in my heart, mind and soul, and how my happiness and peace of mind were in complete tatters, ragging in the breeze.

So were times ever really better? Or are these times in which we live really the good ol’ days?

It all boils down to perspective. One could easily look back at where I came from in my life and where I am now and say, ‘well, he was a lot better off in the past, if ignorance really is bliss.’ I could have kept putting off the inevitable and kept putting on a happy face and kept going out into the world, wearing my heart on my sleeve, and making cries for help that I thought at the time would go unanswered. I could have kept staying awake until 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning stressing over factors and people that were many miles outside my control. I could have kept bottling everything up inside, and letting feelings and fears and emotions control my every move. I could have kept doing it.

But at this very moment, I have so many more tools than I had 10 years ago, 5 years ago or even just a single month ago. Yes, I may have a lot more things going on that amplifies what I go through on the inside, and I may have more eyeballs on me at every turn, and more people willing to spout off with a comment. But, at the same time, I have outlets to channel into when I feel down. I have a therapist I am seeing once weekly. Many of my friendships and creative partnerships are stronger and tighter than they’ve ever been. And I am starting to fall in love with the idea of living again. I am addressing what desperately needed to be said, and in turn, beginning to clean, dress and heal those wounds in my soul. While I may not have my mother in my life, I now have 10 ladies carrying her power and grace at any given time.

So in some ways, the traits of the old me served me well. But in a many myriad of different ways, the me of today is much stronger, with thicker skin, clearer eyes and sharper visions, and with renewed goals for tomorrow. And for that, I am grateful. ❤

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, talk about how you’ve overcome obstacles in your past, and how you can focus on the good of the past!

As always, take care, much love and may God richly bless,

-Jon

JON

IN THIS VERY MOMENT, EVERYTHING IS OK

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Many times in our lives, especially this time of the year, we often catch ourselves hung up on all that has transpired over the last year, or looking ahead to what may be coming in the new year. We may fret over projects we have completed, or a job opportunity that passed us by, or deadlines and commitments. I am not above this, either. Quite frequently over recent days and weeks, I have found myself worrying over friendships, partnerships, when to commence recording music, when to start writing my first poetry book, plus starting therapy soon, getting my ducks in a row for a potential move in the new year, taking care of my new feline friend Vidalia, amid many other things. It can get to be a slog. Until seven words cross my mind. Seven words that immediately put my mind at ease. Seven words that is a saying, one that my dear friend and musical co-creator Kim Ware taught me to abide by:

In this very moment, everything is OK.

I will repeat: In this very moment, everything is OK.

These seven words have become a big help to me lately. It helps me center and focus on the now, instead of worrying about what I should have said or done in the past, or worrying about what the future might hold. I can apply these seven simple words to heart and use it to see the good that is around me at this time: I have a cat for the first time in over two years. I am starting therapy, the first part of a brave, new leg of my journey. I have confirmation that a poem of mine will be published in a physical book. I have a head full of creative ideas. In this moment, I am listening to a podcast and doing something I love doing, blog-writing.

In this very moment, everything is OK.

Never has seven words been so freeing to me like these seven are. Anxiety has always been a bear for me to whip, and so too FOMO, the fear of missing out. But these things cloud my view of life, and as a result, it makes me not see the trees for the woods. Taking in the good around me, the glory in front of me, the sights of my dearest friends, co-conspirators and creatives stepping up to the plate and crushing home runs in their endeavors-and the fact that I’m here to watch it and cheer them on!!! It’s a blessed, refreshing and welcome feeling. Too long I have spent in the midst of fear, uncertainty, the hungry, biting wolverines of my yesterdays and the grim, brooding specters of tomorrows.

I’m alive.

I am six feet above the ground.

I am surrounded by some of the best people a man could ever ask for.

Is every day red and rosy? Not by any stretch of the imagination, but by taking in the good and filtering out the bad in my life, I can see that today isn’t so bad. Nor is it fleeting and forgettable. Every day that I wake up and see the sunrise is a blank canvas, my opportunity to make a masterpiece out of it. And I intend to create many, many masterpieces in my time. ❤

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, tell me about something positive that happened to you today, and how you savor the little moments of your day!

As always, take care, much love, and may God richly bless,

-Jon