sameness | Join Us Down The Illness Rabbit Hole

As we go along in the span of our lives, there are many things we are told and many things we have seared into our minds, whether it be from someone looking to try and help us, or someone just looking to pass along a little advice. Many times, these things serve us in good stead. But some of these advices turn out to be nothing more than temporary band-aids for the troubles we face at best, and bogus myths don’t amount to a hill of beans in our lives at worst. Today, we will take a look at some of those things we are told that may work short-term, but are not compatible with us in the long journey of our growth, change, healing and forward movement.

On the idea of “Fake it ’til you make it”

This is what we will touch on first. Six little words have never had such a tempting lilt to so many. It’s easy to take up this credo to a situation we are facing in our lives that is difficult, or might take a lot of time. But it’s a dangerous trap to fall into, if we’re not careful. Those six words have ruined more good lives than alcohol or hard drugs ever could. Sometimes, we say this to ourselves as a sort of safety blanket in the midst of a hard situation, or we could even go as far as use it as a reason not to do something or face a problem that is brewing in our lives. We can get fat and lazy off of those six words, if we don’t watch our step. We can even let those six words wrap their vines around our dreams and visions and goals and choke them off completely, until they wither away and die.

And I know what some people might say: “But isn’t manifestation tantamount to faking it?” I can speak for no one else but myself, but in my way of seeing it, manifestation is equal parts heart, mind and soul. There is nothing wrong with wishing for things, but there is something wrong with not doing the work to get those things, or reach those goals, or live out those dreams. Your dreams, wants & desires will not be realized without a bit of elbow grease.

The best course of action is not to fake it, but rather to roll up our sleeves and face whatever we need to face in our lives head-on. Whether it be breaking off a potentially toxic friendship or relationship, or quitting a job and opening the door for a new career, or moving to a new town or city entirely, or picking a college or university to further ourselves, whatever the scenario may be. Instead of telling ourselves “fake it ’til you make it,” we can tell ourselves, “learn it ’til you earn it,” or, “practice ’til it’s powerful.” You might be able to talk or bullshit your way through a situation temporarily, but fixes for those situations do not come until the work is done, no matter how difficult it may be, and no matter how long it may take.

You cannot fake the work that needs to be done, or the desire to rise above your current situation. You have to want it bad enough. And faking it is NOT the way to go. The “fake it ’til you make it” mindset may work for a short time on things in the near-term, but becoming entrenched in it will only cause mental harm, and will only fuel imposter syndrome inside you.

On fear & hesitation

A quote on hesitation by the great motivational author, writer & coach David J. Schwartz goes as follows:

“Hesitation only enlarges & magnifies the fear. Take action promptly. Be decisive.”

It’s human nature to have fear or reservations about things that transpire in our lives, but we must not let it dictate our every move down to the letter. If we are not careful, we will let fear and hesitation and reservation steal some of the best times of our lives away from us, to say nothing of the opportunities that it may cost us. Humans are afraid of change. We are creatures of habit, and also of repetition. Once we sink our teeth into an idea or belief or routine or whatnot, it will take forever and a free t-shirt and matching cup of coffee to get us to turn loose of it. Being the big fish in a small pond has its perks, but it simply is not sustainable in the long run. There is more to life than what we see in our every day lives, and the myopia that ensues from this mindset will be a major detriment to us if we continue to linger in it.

Apart from this, we must learn also to take calculated chances and risks in our lives more often. Many times, we find ourselves chest-deep in a wanting or yearning pang over someone or something we desire, but we get cold feet and back out of it before we can act on it. It’s important to take those risks and chances when they come, while also being keenly aware that, if we don’t put at least some preparation into it, it runs the risk of backfiring, and we will touch on this a bit more in the next segment of this blog. But if we are patient, we will soon have all that we have ever wanted!

Hesitation and fear are powerful animals, but we are more powerful fighters against these! We get cozy in the normalcy and sameness of the situations we experience every day, but to grow and change into our better and best selves, we must the page and write some new chapters. History has never favored those who have sat still in life; the ones who got up and rocked the boat and raised their voice and led armies and battalions and marches are the ones who have statues raised and stories written about them!

The war against complacency and sameness and small thinking is not won in a day; it can be a lifelong process for some of us. The battlefield of our minds can be a very bloody and treacherous place at times. We must always be alert for whatever our minds pitch at us when we propose changes, ranging from spears to missiles. But with hard work and a willingness & burning desire to want to be better, we can come out victorious, and reap the rewards of the changes, no matter how spooky they may seem to us!

On being prepared

Many times in life, we see an opportunity arise and we say to ourselves, “God, if only I were more prepared, I’d do it!” Well, what’s stopping you from making the preparations for when it comes along again, if it does so? As mentioned above, taking bold risks and chances can pay huge dividends, but only if we first season them with calculated preparedness. Flying by the seat of your pants may work in some short-term situations, but we must have a proper course of action and path forward if we are to someday get what we want and deserve in our lives.

Think of it as trying to find your way out of the forest: Sure, you can chop and hack your way through the limbs, branches, weeds and bushes and come out in a clearing somewhere, but would you rather wing it and hope it works, or would you rather have a map showing you the easiest and best way out of the forest?

I know this can be a touchy subject, as many have grown up having known only how to wing it, or only how to fight for what they have, but there is another way to get what you rightly deserve in this life. You did the best you could until you knew better. Now that you know better, it’s time to do better! No longer do you have to fight for what you want; you wield all the tools and resources necessary to get anything you want, even if you don’t yet realize this fact. You have fought long enough and hard enough; it’s time you had a smoother and easier ride into tomorrow, and toward what you want in this life!

I believe too that it is better to be over-prepared for a situation than to be under-prepared and left with egg on your face when/if the situation does arise. I know that some situations will blindside us, but if we look back on all that we have accrued in terms of wisdom and preparation, we will see the path through the situation open for us, more times than not. All that we have been through has prepared us for those times when the bottom may drop out. It could be one hour in the span of a life, it could be a great many months or even years. But when those situations find us, look back on how you managed and overcame. You have survived 100% of your worst days so far; read over the notes you took in your mind, and use them as much as you see fit. And never EVER stop observing and taking notes; this is how we continue to grow, and how we continually rise above those dark situations!

We may be blessed in our lives and have preparations for things that ultimately never come to be, but we will at least have that knowledge, and we can take some of it and apply it to other situations that may rise within our lives! Always, always stay prepared ❤

I hope this blog post finds you well, and in the comments, tell me a little bit about your feelings on these subjects, and what you do to keep growing, evolving and being the best version of yourself that you can be!

As always, take care, much love and may God richly bless,

-Jon

On this Sunday evening that I am writing this to you, I decided to do a story reading on my personal Facebook page. Nothing out of the ordinary for me, as I have in recent weeks been doing an increased number of them, as I set about publishing a poetry or short story book of my own in the future. I elected to do a reading from a book I had gotten in the mail the day before, a book by Garrison Keillor called Lake Wobegon Days. I read a section of a story in the book called “Fall”, and went for just under an hour in the reading that I did. After I had closed the stream, I decided to take a look through the log of streams that I had done from the amount I have on the streaming platform I use. It is the same one I have used many times, in hosting shows and recording interviews, doing poetry reading or concerts, etc. And virtually thumbing through the stream log, I saw many things that I had did over the past 18+ months I had been using that platform. Many memories came back to me. And a twinge of sadness darkened my door once again.

I remembered back to those salad days of my virtual creative journey. How I thought I had the tiger by the tail. How I thought I was on the cusp of reeling in the interview, the one that would get my name out there, How I thought I was growing alongside my creative friends, not knowing the strain and worry, spats and darkness that would come in the future. And it made me wonder: Has it always been this way? Has this feeling been a cornerstone of my life?

As mentioned many times prior in my blogs, I’m always one to slink back to the past at times, to the way things used to be. In some part of my mind, I think that, if I go back to that point, I will find a little retreat of happiness, like a shelter or lean-to on a long trail, a tiny roadside chapel on a highway, or something similar. But I catch myself looking back at those places I go to in my mind, and I remember what I was going through during those times. And in many instances, I was absolutely not happy or satisfied or whatever in that period. I often find that I was in a less-amplified state of where I am currently; though the difference in then from now is, back then, I didn’t have as many aggravating factors in my life. I did not have commitments, meetings, shows, platonic and romantic feelings and terrors of creative failure………

…….But I damn sure paid no attention to the mental scars I bore that were weeping and festering, nor did I pay attention to the tornado-in-a-china-shop state of affairs in my heart, mind and soul, and how my happiness and peace of mind were in complete tatters, ragging in the breeze.

So were times ever really better? Or are these times in which we live really the good ol’ days?

It all boils down to perspective. One could easily look back at where I came from in my life and where I am now and say, ‘well, he was a lot better off in the past, if ignorance really is bliss.’ I could have kept putting off the inevitable and kept putting on a happy face and kept going out into the world, wearing my heart on my sleeve, and making cries for help that I thought at the time would go unanswered. I could have kept staying awake until 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning stressing over factors and people that were many miles outside my control. I could have kept bottling everything up inside, and letting feelings and fears and emotions control my every move. I could have kept doing it.

But at this very moment, I have so many more tools than I had 10 years ago, 5 years ago or even just a single month ago. Yes, I may have a lot more things going on that amplifies what I go through on the inside, and I may have more eyeballs on me at every turn, and more people willing to spout off with a comment. But, at the same time, I have outlets to channel into when I feel down. I have a therapist I am seeing once weekly. Many of my friendships and creative partnerships are stronger and tighter than they’ve ever been. And I am starting to fall in love with the idea of living again. I am addressing what desperately needed to be said, and in turn, beginning to clean, dress and heal those wounds in my soul. While I may not have my mother in my life, I now have 10 ladies carrying her power and grace at any given time.

So in some ways, the traits of the old me served me well. But in a many myriad of different ways, the me of today is much stronger, with thicker skin, clearer eyes and sharper visions, and with renewed goals for tomorrow. And for that, I am grateful. ❤

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, talk about how you’ve overcome obstacles in your past, and how you can focus on the good of the past!

As always, take care, much love and may God richly bless,

-Jon