It’s Dec 21, 2018. I’m off to Lahey.

My labs suck…again. I hear once again, “You need the feeding tube. We need to do it.” I take a deep breath and say, “ok”.

Without hesitation they schedule me for Monday, Dec 24, Christmas Eve. I’m crushed my Christmas, my favorite holiday, my family…

I can not even process what is happening.

Today’s the day, I’m doing it. I’m getting a feeding tube.

My body completely hijacked my Christmas.

I had a peg tube placed on Christmas Eve & a nurse at home on Christmas Day for my first feeding.

I’m so nauseous. They said the pain would be worse than previously anticipated because of how thin I am & where it had to be placed. They weren’t kidding. I need the nausea to pass, I’m used to being in pain.

I waited for them to come remove this tube. Then they tell me that is my tube. I’m not getting the button. I had no idea, NO one told me I was getting this long ass tube.

I’m usually so positive but I feel more & more of my joy being sucked out of me everyday. How are we supposed to do this?