LET’S GO BACK PART X

It’s Dec 21, 2018. I’m off to Lahey.

My labs suck…again. I hear once again, “You need the feeding tube. We need to do it.” I take a deep breath and say, “ok”.

Without hesitation they schedule me for Monday, Dec 24, Christmas Eve. I’m crushed my Christmas, my favorite holiday, my family…

I can not even process what is happening.

Today’s the day, I’m doing it. I’m getting a feeding tube.

My body completely hijacked my Christmas.

I had a peg tube placed on Christmas Eve & a nurse at home on Christmas Day for my first feeding.

When I wake up from surgery, the first thing I see is this little llama. David set it up with the nurses ahead of time. He wanted me to smile.

I’m so nauseous. They said the pain would be worse than previously anticipated because of how thin I am & where it had to be placed. They weren’t kidding. I need the nausea to pass, I’m used to being in pain.

I waited for them to come remove this tube. Then they tell me that is my tube. I’m not getting the button. I had no idea, NO one told me I was getting this long ass tube.

I’m usually so positive but I feel more & more of my joy being sucked out of me everyday. How are we supposed to do this?

Welcome to Scleroderma. It sucks the life out of you.

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