Tag Archives: happiness

JON

IN PURSUIT OF THE BOOGEYMAN

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A conversation on Facebook crossed my feed a while ago on this day, and the body and message of it genuinely made me wonder: How much of the collective inner resources of the human race have been wasted on trying to find the “boogeyman” within something, i.e, something that could make someone or something an enemy against us, or make it into something we could ultimately put down or root against?

Obviously, there are things we need to be against and put down at every turn we get (racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, the list goes on and on), and a whole covey of world and national events to give attention to, but seemingly, a lot of our time and energy and other precious resources within each of us goes toward bringing someone or something down that is comparatively harmless in the grand scheme of things, whether it be a daily activity or a new kind of food or even how somebody dresses, or whether they have long hair or an earring or not, down even to the kind of car they drive. I could list hundreds of examples of people wasting precious inner resources on minutiae. But why do we do this? Why must we put down and scrutinize and knock in the dirt the still small things that give people a tiny morsel of joy?

Instead of belittling those things that bring folks joy, why not talk it out with those folks and understand why they enjoy them? Or better still, experience these things for yourself if you can? Chances are, there is something within these hobbies or skills or places or things that you might be able to connect with, and a better chance that you could have your life enlightened by them! Whether it be someone who does one thing off-kilter in their daily routine, to someone collects odd neckties to someone in search of new songs, to larger things such as people who restore cars, houses, electronics or whatnot, let them have what they enjoy! The people you may put down likely wouldn’t do the same to you if they saw what you did, so why would you do the same to them?

The next time you are able, if you find yourself scoffing at something that someone is doing, take a look inside yourself and ask that question above: Would they belittle me if they could see my life? And, if you are able, approach the person and ask them about what it is they do. You just might find yourself basking in their light, and wanting to let your own shine through whatever you do. ❤️

Thank you for taking some time to read this blog, and whenever you do, I hope it finds you well! In the comments, talk about something you love to do, whether it be a hobby or otherwise!

As always, take care, much love, and may God richly bless,

-Jon

EM

I SEE YOU

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I’ve always had a passion for writing. However, my challenge lies in the fact that my thoughts often scatter, and I may complete only one out of every ten pieces I begin. I have a friend who grapples with constant chaotic thoughts. He finds it difficult to recognize any redeeming qualities within himself. The remarkable thing is, he possesses an unparalleled gift. His ability to put words to paper that evoke all your senses and transport you into the vivid scenes he creates is a talent possessed by few.

He’s been working very hard on himself for the last year or so, giving up things he once thought he wanted, to explore his past, understand who he has become, and discover who he wants to be. He’s utilized advice from friends, his own creativity, a great deal of courage, and therapy to break free from the box that trauma had trapped him in.

I am incredibly proud of him. He acknowledges that he was becoming toxic to himself and those he cared about. Instead of taking the easy route, he summoned the strength to become a better person. His journey is far from over, and he knows it will take years to untangle and overcome behaviors shaped by trauma. But he’s doing it, and I want him to know that, although my life is very busy at the moment & my time is limited… I see you.

He has a deep love for poetry, and so do I. Even though I’m just a small star in the vast galaxy of his talent, I knew that poetry was the language I needed to connect with him. I chose a reverse poem to serve as a reminder of where he once stood and where he stands today. I want him to understand that I see him, I’m proud of him, and I have faith in him. I look forward to watching his ongoing journey toward self-healing and self-awareness.

Read each line from top to bottom. Then read each line from bottom to top.

His life is pain

And he no longer feels

He has the right to hope

Learning from loss

His worth is limited

Refusing to see

Through others’ hearts

Forging his path

In fear & anxiety

Never choosing to walk

With trust & courage

Trudging through chaos

Harnessing his creativity

Binding him from

A life full of joy

For JP, to remind you to always flip the script.

EM

LOOK TO THE ENDGAME

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I do not cower to opposing views. I am not afraid of challenging my thoughts on different matters. What concerns me is the possibility of becoming close-minded and living in an echo chamber surrounded only by people who agree with me. It would be a stagnant and ignorant existence. Not conducive to personal growth or learning. It is crucial to surround myself with different people and ideas, even if it’s uncomfortable. Engaging people with opposing views can broaden my perspective and deepen my understanding.

You’re under no obligation to like everyone, forgive anyone, or tolerate hatred. Listening to opposing views is evidence of my desire for actual change on the topic. Finding common ground is essential for real, long-term change. As human beings, we all have thoughts and ideas shaped by our experiences and history. By listening, we can learn what’s in a person’s heart and get to why a person holds a particular view. Even if we cannot agree with their views, we can try to understand and see how they arrived at this opinion. Only then can we find a way to meet them where they are and attempt to make them understand our perspective. Or perhaps, we will discover that we are now unsure about our views and that it’s us who need to grow and change.

Don’t be afraid to challenge your views. The real weakness lies in being unwilling to listen. Every generation grows old and the young will challenge their views in the name of progress. Don’t get left behind because of pride. When you have a conversation with someone who has opposing views, listen, be patient, and be kind. No one has ever been insulted into an agreement. We can use what we learned to be the root of their views and take steps to change their perspective or, at the very least, find common ground to move forward on.

It is important to educate ourselves to understand why people believe what they do. The ultimate goal is to come together and solve problems. We often find that our end goal has some semblance of common ground if we listen. We can either dismiss hateful views and tell them to shove them up their ass, or we can make an effort to understand the reasons behind them and stop it at the cause.

I am not saying, we should tolerate hatred. I’m suggesting the solution isn’t to hate back. Rather, to put an end to it, we need to comprehend it. Once we grasp the reasons behind it, we can make a plan to educate others and work towards a solution. Resolving significant issues takes time, support, and education. Real change comes in the seeds we sow for the next generation. The truth is we may be banging our heads against a wall, with some people. But our efforts can impact future generations, and maybe they’ll embrace love over hate.

Love Not Hate

When it comes to dealing with hatred, our focus is often on the victim. We tell them to toughen up, ignore the negativity, and build self-esteem. This puts the responsibility on the victims to adapt and fit in better. Why not redirect our energy toward understanding what creates the hate? With this knowledge, we could create change at the roots & prevent it from happening. It seems more compassionate to support the victims and put those who hate, to work on becoming better people.

This is my chosen approach and I apply this to any issue where there are strong opposing views. I focus on the problem, get to the root, and hopefully find a solution. All while supporting the victims and growing, changing, and educating myself as well. Every one of us can play a part in making the world a better place if we would only listen. Look to the end game.

EM

DON’T INVITE THE BEARS

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Handling toxic situations can be challenging, and if we don’t approach them differently, we are setting ourselves up for failure. We will be doomed to live like salmon swimming upstream, expending energy and effort, only to make a few inches of progress. The difference is, the salmon don’t invite the bears to disrupt their momentum, to push them back to the starting line, or to pick them and their friends off one by one and eat them for lunch. Every time we allow a toxic person to disrupt our lives and force us to start again, it’s like inviting those bears to lunch.

Don’t invite the bears!

While toxic people are responsible for their actions, we are also responsible for what we allow in our lives. Although it’s understandable to accept apologies, if we continue to allow toxic people to stay and wait for them to change, it will poison the whole stream and cause innocent people to suffer. We bear some responsibility for the harm it brings to our journey. While the intentions are good, and some people love deeply and want everyone to be happy and thriving, continually living with toxicity while hoping things will change will never bring peace.

Everyone handles personal boundaries differently. Some have no boundaries and take on the burden again and again, some allow those lines to blur depending on the person crossing them, and some fiercely enforce their boundaries and protect their peace. There are even people who invite the bear to lunch, and we’ve all had toxic people slip through our radar. In these moments, it’s often not the toxic person paying the price and being given a chance to grow and learn, it’s innocent people, good people, suffering again and again. We have to see these moments as opportunities to learn and strengthen our boundaries.

Not everyone who is toxic is evil or cold-hearted; many believe they are coming from a place of love. Often, it’s a learned behavior or a response to trauma. We’ve all exhibited toxic behavior at some point in our lives, but the difference is, we learned from our failures and grew from the experience. We must be willing to force the hand of those who are harming themselves and others, even if it means letting them go to create space for growth. Sometimes it’s necessary to break the toxic cycle and prevent them from stealing joy and energy from those around them. As a friend, I won’t blindly support everything you say you want on this journey. I’ll always meet you where you’re at, but I expect the same in return. It’s essential to expect what someone is capable of and not accept anything less. We must love someone enough to challenge them and push them to grow, even if it’s uncomfortable in the moment.

If you want a friend who won’t be honest when you’re hurting yourself, me, or others, I’m not her. But if you want a friend who will fiercely support all of your efforts to become the person you want to be, sign me up.

EM

WE ARE THE DREAMERS

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I remember the exact moment I realized I had matured into a responsible adult. It was the day something didn’t go the way I wanted it to and instead of saying, “why is this happening to me”, I thought, “what did I do to create this outcome”. Somehow, life became easier after this revelation!

Unfortunately, the biggest obstacle in my life I did not create and I can not fix. Scleroderma is the beast I can not outsmart or outrun. It’s there, it’ll always be there. Every once in a while, I just want to curl up in a ball and shut out the entire world. But then I get discouraged and angry that I’m wasting precious time. The older I get, the more I realize how every minute matters. I don’t want to curl up in a ball, close my eyes and wake up having missed years of my life.

The lesson I’ve learned from being chronically ill is that everything matters. My lust for normalcy is insatiable. I want to get up, shower, drink coffee, whine about going to work, drive to work while bitching about traffic, survive my day to come home, make dinner and whine about doing it all again tomorrow. But my reality leaves no time for normal things.

On top of the desire to find balance in a world made for the healthy, I also want to do everything, see everything, meet everyone, and I want to experience all of the goodness in the world. Again, my reality leaves little time for all of these things. I can not tell you how many people have told me to “just do it”, go on that trip, and do all the things my heart is set on, while I still can. But I’m here to tell you that not everyone has the financial means or the health to be that person on TikTok traveling the world crossing things off their bucket list. I’m not hating, I say do all the things if you have the means. It’s just not possible for a majority of the disabled community. Whether it be a physical or mental disability, we live day by day with constantly changing medical needs and paycheck to paycheck trying to pay for those needs. We barely have time to write a bucket list, never-mind live it!

The other side of this is the people who, with negative intentions, have told me to shrink my dreams, to accept I’ll never have a normal life and move on, to adjust my life plans, and to just give in to my new reality. I’ve even had people tell me to just stop fighting the inevitable. What the…This one is probably the most painful and infuriating. When someone says this, I hear, “You’re inconveniencing my life and I need you to just be a good little patient”.

If you get nothing else from this blog, please read this and burn it in your brain. When we dream it’s with some semblance that these things are possible. Hope gets us through our darkest days. It drives us to push & never give up. Possibilities, goals, small triumphs, and even the hard work it takes to see a dream come true, are all burned as fuel to carry on. We savor the thought that the pain may end, that tomorrow will be better, that a cure may be found, and that our dreams will come true. Please don’t take that from us.

Yes, having a permanent and incurable illness means you will have to learn to navigate all the changes and hindrances that come with the diagnosis. But it does not leave a person less intelligent, damaged, incapable, irrelevant, unable to make their own choices, less worthy of friendship or love, and they, sure as hell, are not weak. An illness doesn’t make someone less of a friend. It doesn’t make them less fun or leave them not needing fun & excitement in their life. It doesn’t make them a burden, and it is not a free pass to steal their passions, hopes, and dreams.

I will not climb into my bed and be a good little patient. Sorry if this inconveniences some people & makes “their” life more difficult. But we all have the choice to be in someone’s life or not and love should be unconditional. If you see me as a burden, find a better patient, it’s not me. Unless you have a degree and can put Dr. before your name, I am not your patient. Do not cast shade on my hope. It would be better if you just walked away. It would be your loss. Because I am a fierce & loyal friend and you will never find a more welcoming & loving group than my circle.

Lucky for me, I’m a stubborn bitch who loves learning, life & people. I will not cower, I will not succumb, I will not have my life stolen by Scleroderma. Even on a bad day, I will accomplish something. Sometimes it’s a huge thing & sometimes it’s small. But to me it’s everything. I’ll continue to visit loved ones, make people smile, create, talk, study, practice, help others, make new friends, dream, hope, love, laugh, and fight until I take my last breath. I will not let the lack of money, resources, or bad health keep me from dreaming about doing all the things I want to do in this world. Will I do it all? Probably not. Will I die trying? Absolutely! 

Here’s to the warriors and all who know your worth and willingly step out into the world and share your journey. Keep hoping, fighting, surviving, and thriving, for we are the dreamers & we will not let anyone take that from us.

JON

LEARNING TO SMILE ALL OVER AGAIN

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Happy New Year, one & all! I hope that 2023 has gotten off to a wonderful start for you! Most of us tend to make resolutions when the new year rolls around, some of them minute in stature, others towering over us like skyscrapers. Some are easier to adhere to and follow than others, but all of them carries weight in our lives, no matter how large or small they may be. We all want to see in-person that friend we made over the pandemic, or to go to that city, state or country we’ve always wanted to go to, or to dye our hair that color that would catch everyone’s eye. But what if we did something in the new year that cost nothing, did not require a gym membership or association admission, or did not even require approval from others?

What if we learned to smile again?

2022 was a hard year for a lot of us. Whether it came from events in the noisy news cycle, or events that happened in our own personal lives, or events that happened to others close to us in our lives, 2022 was a very draining and taxing year. Mental and emotional hardships. The projects or opportunities that just slipped through our fingers. The loss of a loved one or a beloved pet. 2022 threw plenty of ways to snatch our happiness and joy at us, and in some cases, it did steal those precious things away. To say nothing of what the last 3 years has done to the world as a whole, with the pandemic considered.

But what if I told you that we’re on a mission to get those things back?

A big resolution for 2023 is to learn how to smile again. 2023 is the year that happiness grows and re-re-regrows in our lives. With the sureness of a rose in the springtime, we will all find our way back to happiness this year. This is your call to manifest it! Cultivate your soul and make it into a garden of peace, love, joy and great happiness! Planting season in just around the corner in our lives; take advantage! This is the perfect time to rid ourselves of the reeds and weeds that was the happenings in 2022; in 2023, we will strive to toss the bad news and the noisy news and the discord and disaster and dissent into the wastebasket, and hold our heads high and look forward with clear eyes to the future! The future is eight months pregnant, and tomorrow has ALWAYS been better than today! Optimism, self-love, self-care, taking bold but calculated chances, speaking out, reaching out and loving others more will take root and flower in our lives in 2023. Gone will be the choking vines and weeds and invasive species of self-doubt, abandoning ourselves and our needs, timidness, fear, people-pleasing, attachments, conformation and self-flagellation. 2023 is our year, brothers and sisters. Let’s grab this thing by the horns and make it ours and MANIFEST all that we deserve!

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, please list some ways you aim at keeping to our resolution of learning to smile again!

As always, take care, much love and may God richly bless

-Jon


JON

LIFE, HAPPINESS, AND THE WAY IT USED TO BE

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On this Sunday evening that I am writing this to you, I decided to do a story reading on my personal Facebook page. Nothing out of the ordinary for me, as I have in recent weeks been doing an increased number of them, as I set about publishing a poetry or short story book of my own in the future. I elected to do a reading from a book I had gotten in the mail the day before, a book by Garrison Keillor called Lake Wobegon Days. I read a section of a story in the book called “Fall”, and went for just under an hour in the reading that I did. After I had closed the stream, I decided to take a look through the log of streams that I had done from the amount I have on the streaming platform I use. It is the same one I have used many times, in hosting shows and recording interviews, doing poetry reading or concerts, etc. And virtually thumbing through the stream log, I saw many things that I had did over the past 18+ months I had been using that platform. Many memories came back to me. And a twinge of sadness darkened my door once again.



I remembered back to those salad days of my virtual creative journey. How I thought I had the tiger by the tail. How I thought I was on the cusp of reeling in the interview, the one that would get my name out there, How I thought I was growing alongside my creative friends, not knowing the strain and worry, spats and darkness that would come in the future. And it made me wonder: Has it always been this way? Has this feeling been a cornerstone of my life?

As mentioned many times prior in my blogs, I’m always one to slink back to the past at times, to the way things used to be. In some part of my mind, I think that, if I go back to that point, I will find a little retreat of happiness, like a shelter or lean-to on a long trail, a tiny roadside chapel on a highway, or something similar. But I catch myself looking back at those places I go to in my mind, and I remember what I was going through during those times. And in many instances, I was absolutely not happy or satisfied or whatever in that period. I often find that I was in a less-amplified state of where I am currently; though the difference in then from now is, back then, I didn’t have as many aggravating factors in my life. I did not have commitments, meetings, shows, platonic and romantic feelings and terrors of creative failure………

…….But I damn sure paid no attention to the mental scars I bore that were weeping and festering, nor did I pay attention to the tornado-in-a-china-shop state of affairs in my heart, mind and soul, and how my happiness and peace of mind were in complete tatters, ragging in the breeze.

So were times ever really better? Or are these times in which we live really the good ol’ days?

It all boils down to perspective. One could easily look back at where I came from in my life and where I am now and say, ‘well, he was a lot better off in the past, if ignorance really is bliss.’ I could have kept putting off the inevitable and kept putting on a happy face and kept going out into the world, wearing my heart on my sleeve, and making cries for help that I thought at the time would go unanswered. I could have kept staying awake until 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning stressing over factors and people that were many miles outside my control. I could have kept bottling everything up inside, and letting feelings and fears and emotions control my every move. I could have kept doing it.

But at this very moment, I have so many more tools than I had 10 years ago, 5 years ago or even just a single month ago. Yes, I may have a lot more things going on that amplifies what I go through on the inside, and I may have more eyeballs on me at every turn, and more people willing to spout off with a comment. But, at the same time, I have outlets to channel into when I feel down. I have a therapist I am seeing once weekly. Many of my friendships and creative partnerships are stronger and tighter than they’ve ever been. And I am starting to fall in love with the idea of living again. I am addressing what desperately needed to be said, and in turn, beginning to clean, dress and heal those wounds in my soul. While I may not have my mother in my life, I now have 10 ladies carrying her power and grace at any given time.

So in some ways, the traits of the old me served me well. But in a many myriad of different ways, the me of today is much stronger, with thicker skin, clearer eyes and sharper visions, and with renewed goals for tomorrow. And for that, I am grateful. ❤

I hope this blog finds you well, and in the comments, talk about how you’ve overcome obstacles in your past, and how you can focus on the good of the past!

As always, take care, much love and may God richly bless,

-Jon