LET’S GO BACK PART VIII: Memories Take Me Away

Today I meet my cardiologist. Hoping everything goes really well. I’m not sure I can handle much more.

The weight on my shoulders is becoming unbearable. But I still wake up every morning & so I must fight.

It seems my echo showed something that leads them to believe I may have PAH (pulmonary arterial hypertension). Add another big medical term to the list.

I have to have a right heart catheterization. He explains how this is different from a left heart cath. The boys right heart cath is to measure the pressure in the chambers of the heart & pulmonary arteries.

They need to measure the pressure in my heart. I know if my heart is involved then my prognosis isn’t good.

I’m feeling completely alone in the darkness. No matter how much David or anyone does for me, I feel alone. Because I am alone in this body that traps me in this hell.

When I’m having a test, procedure, or an appointment that is unpleasant, I like to escape into my head. I enjoy going back in time to before my illness took over my life. Back to days when I could play with my beautiful granddaughters.
Memories, take me away.

We schedule the heart catheterization and I go home feeling like I just want to scream at God. WHYYYYYYYYYY??????!!!!!!!

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