It happens so slowly in the middle of your, “searching for a diagnosis and some help”, storm.
Everyone feels bad that you’re going through so much. Everyone is going to be your BFF through it all. Then it happens they slowly disappear.
The first to go are the ones who don’t believe you’re sick. They feel you’re being dramatic or looking for attention. They were never your friends, good riddance!
Next you’ll have the friends that can’t handle it. I mean you have zero choice in any of this and they do. They choose to leave your friendship. To hit the road and never look back. These ones are a bit harder to let go of.
Around this time you’ll start questioning every friendship. You go out of your way to prove you’re an amazing friend. You will invest more than you receive. You’ll stop sharing your journey.
Here comes the worst part. The few friends that you thought made it this far and will probably stay, start sending less invites. They don’t know what to do. They leave you feeling lonely, isolated, frustrated and left out.
You’ll sit alone listening to the world outside, go on without you. It’s depressing, how you can go days without speaking to another adult, besides your spouse. You scream in those moments.
The most difficult loss for me was losing my sister. When she passed away, I almost felt betrayed. Like another person had left me.
This is the type of loss you don’t bounce back from. But it’s also the moment you realize you must carry-on. You can not bring a similar grief to those who love you.
You have to find a way to live in this body you’ve been given. You’re not getting a second chance. THIS IS IT.
You’ll learn what a “real” friend is & you’ll realize you traded quantity for quality, when it comes to friendships.
I have deeper relationships with family & friends now. The ones who stuck around and help me see the value I bring to this world are heroes. I hope I always show them the value they have in my life.