I’ll be sharing a series of posts, (That Little Red House), about trauma experienced in childhood & it’s effects on our lives, bodies, minds & souls.

I recently had a lot of painful memories swirling through my brain after losing another family member to soon. It was a tough loss & my head was full of what if’s.

I work through a lot of my emotions by writing. I’m going to share with you some excerpts from my journals. I shared a few posts on social media and people asked me to write more. So here we go, down the trauma rabbit hole.

𝘚𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘕𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘙𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘔𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩. 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘦.

My uncle was 51 years old & he lost his fight with his demons, this week. We just lost my aunt less than a year ago. They were the youngest of 6 kids.

I mourn those little children who were like brothers & sisters to us. We were the same age, we did everything together as kids. They lived with us & other family members, multiple times. I mourn for what could’ve been. My heart is broken thinking back to when we’d all talk about how we would never become an alcoholic like my grandfather. I am so proud of my family members who have broken the chains of addiction & abuse. They are thriving in this world. I’m so grateful for my parents, who both came from dysfunctional homes & yet together they did not repeat the same cycles of abuse with us.

I wish my aunt & uncle had known the peace in forgiving, letting go of the past & knowing you matter. I wish the good memories full of laughter could’ve outweighed the bad ones full of tears. I wish the love our family shares had been a stronger force in their lives. I wish none of us had known the reality of that little red house. I wish the amazing home that others saw from the outside, had really been that idealistic & safe for my grandmother, aunts & uncles. I have amazing memories from that house. Crazy good memories. But it’s the scary ones that haunt me still, decades later.

The struggle to overcome childhood trauma is daunting.

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