I’ve been sitting here trying to handle everything that comes when I have multiple appointments coming up, in Massachusetts. Fuel, someone to drive & help me, do I need to spend the night, etc… It has me thinking about the first time I went, how it began & what it’s like to feel like your medical care is strung together by a thin thread that you are trying to hold together.

The first time I went to Lahey Hospital, I arrived at my appoin with my new Gastroenterologist, & when they called my name, the nurse came over & had no idea why I was there.

They had absolutely zero information on me. The lady in referrals told the nurse she requested records, tests, etc… several times and was told it was faxed. It’s a terrible feeling to feel so completely alone. Here you are again explaining years of medical info in just a few minutes. Knowing that you are wasting your time and you’ll have to come back when they have your records.

Needless to say I felt like I was just melting down into a black hole. Tears welled up in my eyes & I couldn’t even speak. They lost me at “why are you here”. Darkness again.

Once I met my doctor I felt better. She was kind and I felt comfortable talking to her. I got the impression, she was less then impressed with my doctors and the care I’ve received. If you could have seen her face when I told her I’d had the Botox injections in my esophagus. Again I felt my stomach sink. Her face allowed for no hiding of the fact that she was NOT happy. I should have waited and researched the Botox procedure. I was uncomfortable with it I should’ve listened to my gut.

Two positive things came out of this visit. First, I met my doctors and as I’ve previously shared, I left Lahey full of hope.

The other good is my husband witnessed all of it. He lost it, he was wild they didn’t have my records. He has been amazing and very supportive. But sometimes he thinks I don’t push enough. Well today he saw the type of stuff I go through, first hand. This was just one moment out of many when I’ve heard, “why are you here”!