I have spent a lot of time thinking about my life, time & choices, since I became sick. But this year with the pandemic and David’s health scare, I realized that I’m not the only one who’s “somedays” are limited. None of us know how many “somedays” we have left. The time has come. Someday is today.
I’ve never been afraid of change. I just haven’t always been willing to give something up to get something more. We took a giant leap this year and sold our camp. We have things we want to do at home and places we want to go. I’m excited to do things that have been on hold for “someday”.
David & I have always been different when it comes to many things. Especially our social lives. I like to travel with people, to people, & he prefers to travel alone to places of solitude. I can be as comfortable at our home in the woods, where we are rarely visited by the outside world as I am speaking to a room full of people. I like different experiences, meeting people, learning their stories, and I make friends quickly. I can meet someone briefly in person or even online and become immediate friends.
Once you drag David out somewhere, he is a social butterfly. But if he had his choice he’d probably never leave the woods. He doesn’t like crowds. He could live without people. It’s always been a game trying to work out how to get him out to do things. Once we get somewhere, despite all of his defiance, he really thrives and enjoys himself. The thing is, people really like him. He’s genuine and funny, he will help people and ask for nothing, he’s a great friend. Truth be told, I’ve never understood his reluctance to embrace the man he is, as seen through someone else’s eyes. But I love him and I’ve learned to navigate his preference for solitude. Lucky for me our differences are part of what makes “us” work.
We are complete opposites, when it comes to the internet. If David never heard of social media he’d be exactly as he is now. He has no interest in any of it. He thinks it’s a false reality and could care less to ever learn what it’s all about. To say he has zero interest is an understatement. I on the other hand, have created my entire life’s work around the internet. Here’s how that happened.
I have always been the type of person who is under constant self-induced pressure and if I’m not multitasking, I’m not breathing! If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard, “you take on to much”, I’d be a rich woman. When I first had to retire from work due to my increasing disabilities, I was lost. I felt so irrelevant and useless in the world. Of course the timing compounded these feelings as my youngest was in college during this time. An empty nest and forced retirement due to poor health, it was a lethal blow to my self esteem and mental health! Not to mention I felt like shit. It was a difficult time. Then I slowly started to find my way and I found I could do a lot of volunteer and charitable work online. That grew into doing actual paid work online. Through the years many opportunities that make me happy have found their way to me. I know I’ve helped a lot of people & this is everything. If only these people knew how much they’ve helped me too. I have met some amazing people and created a network of colleagues and friends that I trust as much as I do those I see in person on the regular. I have mentored teens well into adulthood. Some have become family and they are in their 30’s now. I love my work, my groups, my colleagues, my clients, my friends.
I want to take a roadtrip and visit all of my online friends. David would never find this even remotely interesting. But he would have no problem with me doing this. He spent months in Alaska with our son, underwater dredging. I would love to go to Alaska. I wouldn’t want to be away for months, on a claim, far away from the world. But I love that David & my son have these experiences. This year, I’m excited to see friends and travel. While David wants to get back to Alaska & visit a favorite spot in North Carolina. Some of these things we will do together & others we will do separately. We don’t do everything together. But we do respect, encourage & support each other. It’s a beautiful thing.
It’ll be fun to plan future trips. I am looking forward to enriching our relationship, as we travel together & separately. Let this be the year that we replace, “someday” with, “let’s start planning”!
2022: Be Better