It’s the day of my heart cath, January 2019.

I’m so anxious to get this done, hopeful that the results will be normal, & petrified of going through this procedure.

They said they try to sedate at the lowest amount & increase it, as needed. Because the sedation can lower pressures & they won’t get a pure result.

I don’t want to have to go through this again. I tell them I don’t want sedation. I want to do whatever I can to help obtain, the best possible results. I know if my heart is involved then my prognosis isn’t good.

I’m wheeled in to the cath lab & I can see all the drs I just met in pre-op. In the background I can hear “Bad Case Of Loving You”, (Doctor Doctor), playing over the speakers. I crack jokes but inside I’m dying. Please God let this go well & end quickly.

I tell them that I’ll retreat in my head, they don’t need to reassure me, talk to me or ask how I’m doing. I’ll let them know if I need a break or something for pain. Just watch for my tears to flow as I lie in silence, lost in my own head.


I made it through the entire thing. The drs are impressed, or so I’m told. I still find it difficult to understand why anyone would think I want to hear how “impressed” they are with the fact that I can endure whatever they throw at me medically. I have zero choice. If I want to live, I have to do whatever it takes.

Well I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. My pressures were normal. Amen

Then they tell me my peg tube is infected and they are taking me from the cath lab to the ER. I can not tell you how sad I was to hear this. 😒From elation to disappointment in 60 seconds, welcome to life with a chronic illness.

They brought me to the ER. I was miserable. My tube was already painful, it hasn’t completely healed yet. Then I’m left sitting up in a wheelchair for almost 6 hours waiting to be seen. All this after having the procedure in cath lab.

Finally I get someone to listen to me. I’m crying and explaining that I’ve been at the hospital since early that morning. I tell them I came from the cath lab & now I’ve been waiting all this time. A nurse overhears me and comes and takes me inside. She apologizes repeatedly. According to her, they did not know I had come from the cath lab.

The doctor comes in immediately and looks at my tube. They clean the area around my tube really well and give me antibiotics. I’m feeling really insignificant at this point.

New medical term…granulation.

But my heart is good.

But my heart is good.

But my heart is good.

Repeat to stay sane.

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